


As Above So Below

by The_Fanfic_Train



Series: Growing Pains [8]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, I PROMISE Kravitz isn't just spouting nonsense, I think this is okay at a Gen rating but I might bump it up to teen depending on how i feel, It's all got a meaning, It's sort of hard to explain, M/M, Next tag is a spoiler, Nihilism, This is part of the Silk and Lace AU, angst with a not-happy not-sad ending?, canon compliant death, cryptic speech patterns, lots of existentialism, sort of a ghost story?, there is plenty of taakitz even though one of them beefs it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26222401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fanfic_Train/pseuds/The_Fanfic_Train
Summary: The first thing Taako noticed was that Kravitz was cold.(One-shot off of Silk and Lace, but can be read independently!)
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Taako, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Series: Growing Pains [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781458
Comments: 16
Kudos: 43





	As Above So Below

The first thing Taako noticed was that Kravitz was  _ cold- _ more so than normal. As they had grown older, his husband’s circulation issues had only worsened. They’d started going to couple’s yoga a few years back, which was  _ awful-  _ but it had been recommended to them by both Kravitz’s cardiologist and Taako’s physiotherapist, meaning they were essentially obligated (if not by the health care professionals, then by their concern for the other).

Perhaps now was the time to mention that, when Taako was forty-seven, still working at the bakery, a machine had malfunctioned and had effectively broken almost every bone from the waist down. Setting the bones had been a nightmare, according to his doctor- because usually, they set the bones in position compared to the ones around it. Naturally, Taako’s prospects of being able to walk again had been slim. He spent five months in a wheelchair full-time and another two off and on as he had to relearn how to walk- chronic pain was a new constant that he hadn’t had before, and his sense of balance had been shot in the time he’d been sedentary.

In college, Taako took a tumbling elective and Lup and Barry had called him the flip wizard. It had felt a bit ridiculous, compared to how he had struggled to even stand some days. But, ten years later, he was walking with just a cane most days and only ever using his chair when he was having a bad pain day. 

Kravitz, on the other hand, was quite happy to slow down and relax some. He’d finally given up pole dancing on his birthday fifteen years prior, as he hadn’t been receiving as many clients anyways in his middle age. They’d kept their pole at home, though, and Kravitz would still practice occasionally for fun. 

Kravitz was almost solely on desk-duty at work- he handled matching children to homes and overseeing other social workers. It wasn’t as fun as working with the kids, Kravitz had told him as they snuggled on their sectional and watched Ponyo for what was likely the thousandth time, but someone had to do it. Taako had picked up writing again- it was something he could do from home where his mobility was not as difficult to handle.

Taako forced himself to roll over, ignoring the pain that pulsed through his side as he did so. It was a Saturday, meaning that there was nothing to be done all day- maybe he’d make breakfast in bed for the two of them and then Kravitz could push him in his chair as they went for a walk. It was early spring, and the window was open- no wonder his husband’s hands were cold. 

He reached out a wrinkled hand to pull the blanket tighter across his companion, suddenly hit by how  _ still _ he lay. “Hey, Krav?” He reached out and placed a hand on the clothed shoulder, shaking him gently. He was  _ stiff. _

“Babe?” He shook him a little harder. “Babe, it’s- it’s time to wake up. Come on. I’ve got to- breakfast, Krav-”

Kravitz rolled over, and Taako was filled with a temporary sense of relief.  _ Oh, I just imagined it. He’s waking up _ . But his lover’s chest did not resume it’s familiar rise and fall. The stunning brown eyes that Taako had woken up next to for thirty years did not open. There was no petulant groan about being woken up early on his one day off.

Kravitz did not stir.

Panic flooded every facet of his being. Admittedly, the rest of the day was a blur- realizing that Kravitz had probably had a heart attack, calling for an ambulance and trying to perform CPR as his joints screamed in protest- at the hospital, Lup, who he didn’t remember calling but clearly must have, crying as she hugged him and whispering words he couldn’t possibly understand, an odd reflection of himself. They were all old now, wrinkled and stiff and in  _ pain all the time _ , and looking at her reminded himself of how  _ he _ was just as ancient. How old Kravitz had gotten, despite the years merely accenting his laugh lines, crow’s feet, and adding a sprinkle of grey into his hair. After Lup, it was Barry, who he watched from one hundred miles away speak to the coroner. Lup, still crouched in front of his wheelchair and asking him questions- saying something about calling Raven and Istus.

Taako had watched a team wheel Kravitz into a room. He never saw them wheel Kravitz out.

Somewhere, deep down, he knew what had happened, that Kravitz was gone- but his brain was still stuck over an hour in the past, hand extended over a pile of blankets to soothe discomfort. Even as Barry explained it to Lup, then on the phone with Raven and Istus (who seemed upset but understanding), and then Angus (whose voice was strained as he politely asked for more info), that Kravitz had had a heart attack in his sleep at around two in the morning and had passed away shortly thereafter with little struggle, his brain was unwilling to connect the dots. 

_ Kravitz is still at the hospital _ , he wanted to tell Lup and Barry as they pulled up to their apartment (they had sold the house shortly after Taako’s accident, claiming that the stairs would be difficult for them with age, but he was pretty sure it was so he could have free range).  _ We have to go back, _ he wanted to tell them.  _ Kravitz is waiting for me. _

He did, at one point, if his patchwork memories were even the slightest bit reliable- he had a memory of Lup shaking her head sadly at him. 

Long after the two had fallen asleep, Taako sat awake on their futon. His pain in his hip was barely distinguishable against the constant panic- Kravitz wasn’t coming back. This couldn’t be real. 

But nothing ever happened to prove him otherwise.  
  


* * *

  
He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but he found himself lying on a bed of sand, much like the beach he and Kravitz had spent their honeymoon lounging upon. It was dark, clearly night, but it was as though he had dark vision- the world in front of him was still clearly illuminated.

He sat up but didn’t turn around; he knew that at his back there was a forest centuries deep, made of strange black silhouettes of pine that would envelop him completely.

The sky above- and all around him, as other than a strange black castle in the distance, this was seemingly the only island- was a strange purple, littered with stars that pulsed with life and vibrance.

Then, his eyes drifted down towards the shore, and sitting upon the black, glass-like water that lapped against the shore, was a black gondola with a familiar figure sitting patiently at the stem, watching him.

This figure was not as aged as the last time they had spoken- his hair was in dreads, still black as night without the smattering of age across the follicles, and his skin was smooth and perfect, making Taako think, in an odd mirror of their first meeting, that Kravitz looked like a god.

“Babe?” He was up on his feet with barely a moment’s hesitation, stepping closer to the boat. “Krav? What’s-”

He reached the boat, moved to climb on top of it, when there was a firm, cold hand pressed against his chest.

“Tea is best served once it has been left to steep. Your time will come.” Kravitz said, strangely alien.

“What’s- where are we?” Taako asked as ‘Kravitz’ moved away from the front to return to his spot at the back. “Am I dead? Is this heaven? Hell? Is it even real?”

‘Kravitz’ barked out a laugh. “There is no heaven above in the stars. I have looked, little elf. But there is hell below, festering corruption that rots and oozes until all that's left is the bones of what was once a person. At night, they shake and scream and ask for release, but it does not come. There is no heaven above in the stars.”

“So no god then, either?” Taako asked, but he wanted nothing more than to climb onto the craft and pull his husband into his embrace. He was aware of his sudden lack of pain, and the way his hands were smooth and untarnished, compared to how they had looked wrapped around a cup of tea at dinner.

“There is the beast of creation who manifested this world, but they are not a god, and they are not benevolent. An entity that would wish the fate of the universe upon its pests cares not if they are pleased. It is feral; it snaps its jaws and crushes lives without care or remorse. There is no heaven, little elf, but there is a hell. As above, so below- there is no god, but there is a beast.”

“You’re not Kravitz, are you?” Taako asked, but even he knew the answer. “None of this is real.”

“The question you ask of me, little elf, is one not so clear cut as the yes or no you expect. What is Kravitz? A soul, a body? A personality? A way of thinking? Each of these can be separated from another, but I don't believe you would be satisfied with any combination.” He shrugged, stiff and unpracticed- like an alien copying the movements it has seen a million times without practice.

“Why do you keep calling me ‘little elf’?” Taako frowned. “And why are you speaking in riddles?”

“The world is never black and white, little elf, and I choose to speak in a way that reflects that. There are endless possibilities for endless choices, and endless consequences for endless choices for endless possibilities. The world is an hourglass, constantly shifting and changing- to speak plainly is to be reductive.” ‘Kravitz’ turned to look out at the black sea. “As for your name, it is not mine to speak. A fly has no name for a spider, and yet everything must be called  _ something _ . Is there any truer fear than to be stalked by a predator by no name? You call me Kravitz, though I am not, and so I call you little elf.”

“Why are you doing this?” A shake had started to settle into his bones. “This isn’t like you.”

“I told you, little elf, that hell is corruption and ruin. It rots and oozes and decomposes. And, standing in front of the sea, do you believe that your Kravitz could have survived that? Can you?" He tilted his head, smiling in a way that was so familiar and yet alien. There was no warmth to the eyes Taako had once loved, only morbid curiosity.

“This is hell, isn’t it?” The words grew caught in his throat. “This is my punishment for- whatever it is that I did.”

“Hell is only that if you wish it to be,” ‘Kravitz’ shrugged, “There is no heaven. We all come here. The stars are empty, little one. They cannot hear the cries of the living. Should you fall, no one will catch you. Certainly not I."

“I want to go home. I want- I want to wake up. I don’t- I love you, and I don’t want this to be how we say goodbye,” Taako took a step back.

“I am not forcing you to stay. The door is open for those who walk through it.” The response came. “But would you? After seeing the beginning of beginnings and end of ends? Whether or not you stay, you will find your way back to me. A play for time is a fruitless endeavour that will never ripen. Someday, it will be time for you to join me. Someday, the sea will swallow you whole.”

“Where… where are we?” Taako asked. “You never answered my question.”

“We are beyond the universe. We are past the home of mortals, where fair eyes should never be lain. We are where laws are decided and enacted. This is where separation begins. This is where souls come to die, little one. Are you afraid?”

"Not of you- never of you," Taako swallowed.

‘Kravitz’ tilted his head owlishly at him. "Then your blood is already on my hands."  
  


* * *

  
The funeral was hard, for a multitude of reasons. It had only been five days, and yet the ache was stronger than ever. It was also the first time seeing Angus in person since Kravitz’s passing. The boy was a grown man, soon to be forty-two, with a job and a family and a life. He had a baby on the way.

Kravitz had been so excited at the news. He had taken Mica to several appointments when Angus and Ashton were too busy, and had helped build the furniture in the nursery on his days off. He visited whenever he could, always thrilled to see how much Mica’s stomach had swelled and discuss developments.

She was due in a month and a half. 

Kravitz would never meet his grandbaby.

Angus had given his father a large hug upon his arrival, one that was matched by each of his partners. Exchanging pleasantries felt so trivial, especially as Taako looked at his son and saw a man who had lost his father, knowing that Angus looked at him and thought nearly the same. After about an hour, shortly before the ceremony began, the three excused themselves to go visit with Demetrius and Alira, who had just slipped inside the front doors.

Taako meandered his way back to Lup, who was sitting with Barry and speaking to Istus and Raven.

They were both  _ old _ , and it almost made Taako feel young, sitting with his sister and his mother-in-laws.  _ How awful, _ Taako had thought when they had arrived from the senior home,  _ to have to attend your son’s funeral. _

He couldn’t decide if it was worse than attending your husband’s, but that had lead towards a dangerous Angus-related path that he had promptly decided to ignore.

The ceremony was- objectively, it went well, but Taako felt like shit, so, evening it out, it was fine. He had refused to stand up and read his speech (felt too much like making one at their wedding) so Lup read it on his behalf. Angus spoke, Raven spoke- and far too soon, the reception began and the room was full of life. 

Taako wheeled himself over to Istus when she waved him over shortly after. 

Their hug was a little awkward, with both of them sitting, but she pulled away and gave him a gentle smile. “Thank you, Taako,” She said, still holding his arms as she pulled back and looked at him. “Thank you for making my son’s life better.”

“You better still come by and visit us,” Raven added as she joined them. “You might not be our actual son, but you’re still family.”

“I will,” He promised, giving her a hug as well. “Once Mica has the baby, I’ll- the four of us will come visit.” 

“Speaking of Mica, if you see her, Angus or Ashton, you send them our way.” Istus said, glancing around. “We haven’t seen them yet.”

“And speaking of kids, where are Lup and Barry’s? Haven’t seen them,” Raven asked.

“I haven’t seen them either, but Lup swears they’re here somewhere,” Taako said, making Istus nod. 

“They’re outside, taking a break out front. I think they’re a little overwhelmed.” Istus said. “It’s okay, we’ll see them later.”

“Okay, well, I’m going to try and find Lup,” Taako said, glancing around. “Can I bring either of you anything?”

“Just the grandkids, thanks,” Raven said gently, so Taako nodded and wheeled himself off towards the drink table, where hopefully Lup would be waiting for him with a glass of something strong.

He never made it that far. 

Rolling past the pews, he heard loud, boisterous laughter to his left. Glancing over, he saw a group of people from assorted ages, the oldest looking around eighty-five and the youngest being no older than thirty, joking loudly and patting each other on the back.

Immediately, Taako recognized them as Kravitz’s doctors.

And they were celebrating.

He couldn’t help it- almost immediately, the suffering that had been boiling inside turned to anger. Kravitz had been  _ sixty _ . He had never gotten to retire. Sixty, while old, was still  _ young _ to die. 

The original diagnosis, when he had been a baby, was six months. Six months if he was  _ lucky. _ Such severe bradycardia, and trying to operate on such a small body? Trying to control voltage on such a small body? His outlook had been grim. And then, he had made it to be a year old, and then two, and the doctors had agreed that Kravitz had been living on borrowed time. He’d live to be four, they had agreed. Then it was eight years, and then they realized that they clearly had no fucking clue when Kravitz would die, because he was tougher than he looked. 

The doctors were celebrating that he lived until sixty, but all it made Taako want to do was scream.

They said that he died with little to no struggle. That it was painless.

It kept Taako up sometimes, that he wished there had been a struggle. If Kravitz had woken up, realized he was having a heart attack, he could have woken Taako. Taako could have gotten an ambulance there  _ right at that moment _ , not hours later. Even if he hadn’t made it, he could have said “I love you,” one last time. He could have kissed him one last time. He had done both, the night before, but he would do anything for five more minutes.

He thought about the weird dream the night of Taako’s passing, and suddenly was less angry.

If Kravitz had woken up, he would have been in pain. He would have been panicked, trying to wake Taako up. It would have taken a while for Taako to realize what was happening. Who knows whether or not the ambulance would have been fast enough to save him. He probably would have died all the same, but that time in fear and in pain.

He just wanted Kravitz back. It wasn’t fair. Taako was fifty-seven. He would probably live for another twenty years, maybe more. Their time together would be a distant memory. 

Maybe he’d fall in love again. He didn’t want to do that. He’d had an awful marriage and then one with the best person he’d ever met. No one could ever compare to Kravitz. He wouldn’t ever want them to.

Lup gently put her hand on his shoulder, as if she knew what he was thinking. She probably did.

“Come on, I got those sweet ass tiny sandwiches from the pickle barrel.” She said, moving to gently push him away from the congregation of doctors. “Let’s go stuff our faces.”  
  


* * *

  
When he opened his eyes and saw the purple sky with shining stars, he wanted to cry. ‘Kravitz’ was sitting and waiting for him once more, but this time, he was not staring- his eyes were focused on the sky, focused in with rapt attention.

“The veil is thinner tonight. I think you will join me soon, little elf. I look forward to prying your soul from your body,” He said, but despite his words his tone was kind and far more emotional than it had been the previous time they had been together.

“What do you mean? What- what veil?” Taako frowned, staying firmly put, several feet away from the shore.

“I see it now,” ‘Kravitz’ shut his eyes. “Somewhere, a million years away, I drown in a sea of tar. Somewhere, a million years away, you watch me. Somewhere, a million years away, I see you for that split second before I am pulled under. As above, so below. You let me fall and did not catch me. Should you fall now, no one will catch you. Certainly not I. As above, so below.”

“Krav? Baby?” Taako asked. “What are you- what are you talking about?”

“The words of the dead whisper twisted tales. Somewhere, a million years away, you know me. Somewhere, a million years away, I know you. We were there together, just as we just were. As above so below. Two souls joined together, forever entwined. When one is dragged below, the second must follow. The first wishes for peace. It wishes to be separated from the second so it may thrive. It is a fruitless endeavour that will never ripen. The second wishes to remain with the first. The third watches, mouth agape, ready to snap its jaws and crush lives without care or remorse. There is no god, but there is a beast; there is no heaven, but there is a hell. As above, so below.”

“I- I know you told me that you’re not Kravitz, but can you just- is he at peace? Is he happy?” Taako asked, and the man opposite him laughed.

“I said no such thing, little elf. You asked me if I was Kravitz, and I asked you to be more clear. Is this Kravitz’s body? Is this Kravitz’s soul? Is this how Kravitz would speak? You did not answer me, and therefore I could say no more.”

“You said that even though I call you Kravitz, that’s not your name,” Taako argued.

“Very clever, little elf- I did.” ‘Kravitz’ nodded. “It is not, but it is what I am called. No one named the place we are now, but it has many things it is called all the same. Heaven. Hell. Purgatory. They are only so if we wish them to be. They are all one place, and yet a million lives. Every coin has two sides, but it is still just that- a single coin.”

“You make my head spin,” Taako frowned. “I hate the way you talk in riddles.”

“Life is a merry-go-round,” ‘Kravitz’ agreed, “some are the chariot, some are the horse, and some are shattered mirrors. But we all rot and ooze and beg for a release that does not come. But release is existent, for those brave enough to take the dive. The sea is open, and it waits for those ready to embrace the night.”

“Is the sea good? Is it- is it safe?”   


‘Kravitz’ shrugged. “There is no heaven above in the stars. There is no heaven under the sea. I have looked, little elf. But there is hell, festering corruption that rots and oozes until all that's left is the bones of what was once a person. At night, we shake and scream and ask for release, but it does not come. There is no heaven above in the stars and there is no heaven under the sea but there is hell and it is here. As above, so below. There is no heaven above the stars and there is no heaven under the sea and the hell is here, but perhaps, beneath the waves, there is peace.”

“Yeah, I got it- you repeat yourself a  _ lot, _ huh?” Taako sighed, folding his arms. “I get it. This isn’t heaven, unless I want it to be. This isn’t hell, unless I want it to be, and this isn’t purgatory unless I want it to be.”

“Little elf, you catch on quick,” ‘Kravitz’ smiled. “Heaven, hell, purgatory, the sea- the beast of creation, the paired souls, the sea of tar I drown in whilst I sit in my boat and wait- they are all existent because we will them to be. We are all the beast of creation that manifested this world, but we are not gods, and we are not benevolent. We, the entity that would wish the fate of the universe upon ourselves care not if we are pleased. We are feral; we snap our jaws and crush lives without care or remorse. As above, so below- we have a place on earth, where we manifest our destinies, and we all find our way below the earth. We will all rot and decompose, but we will all find our way here, the place with no name but many things that it is called.”

“Kravitz?” Taako said suddenly, “I love you. Forever and always. And I miss you. And if you know the Kravitz that I once knew, will you tell him that?”

“I don’t need to, little elf,” ‘Kravitz’ shook his head, looking sad for the first time. “He knows. Think of the bonded souls. The one prying itself free does not do so out of benevolence. It does so of love. He knows better than to wish the same fate upon his lover He- live, and be happy, little elf. And, once you die, then you will have many stories to share from the world above. If you join him now, he will still miss out on many things. Suffer alone, suffer above, and earn your heaven below. Enjoy the time you have with your son, your sister, your brother, your grandchild. And then, when you are happy, you will be so because many have willed it, including you. As above, so below.”  
  


* * *

  
Taako’s last day alive was strange. And not strange in the way that bizarre things continued to happen, but rather strange in the way that it was one of the most normal days he had had in a long time. 

Lup, Barry, and Taako had brunch, sharing jokes about Kravitz without the deep burn of longing that had once made the mere thought of his partner unbearable. He still missed Kravitz, but it had been dulled out through several years of acceptance.

He had attended Oliver Kravitz’s fifth birthday just a few days before, and had hugged his grandson hello before watching the child sprint into the backyard whilst begging Taako to “Wait right there! I’ll be back!” before finally arriving with a tricycle and a proud smile.

He was really cute- He had Angus’ curls and Mica’s bright eyes and Ashton’s love of sweets, meaning that Papa Taako was always expected to bring over cookies or cake when he visited. Oliver also loved sitting on his grandfather’s lap and hearing about his namesake, something that Angus and Taako both indulged him in many times. 

After brunch with Lup, he watered the plant in his windowsill, in the old pot he and Kravitz had made on a date night decades ago. “Practice cat” it read, and he still laughed every time he thought about how Kravitz would beg for the plant to survive. Said plant, and said cat had been long gone at this point, but the pot remained. Taako would die before he threw it out, but maybe he would take Olly to make pottery sometime. Even if it ended up breaking, it would be a fun activity. He spent the afternoon writing another rendition of what Kravitz used to call “awful fairy tales”- aka, stories that Taako half remembered and would mash together.

(When his first book, Rumpelstiltsk-ish had sold out almost immediately, Kravitz had been a mix between disappointed and proud, pressing a kiss to Taako’s temple and begging him to read the original. Taako did not, but he did buy a copy of his own book to sign and give to Kravitz, who merely laughed and kissed him and thanked him for ‘the best gift he’d ever received’.)

For dinner, he got take-out. Chinese food, nothing exciting. Watched Spirited Away while he ate, because as much as he loved Ponyo because Kravitz loved Ponyo, he could only stomach that movie so often.

He climbed into bed, now used to the feeling of the sheets always being cool when he slid inside. Kravitz was colder than your average person, but only by a couple of degrees. The freezing bed had been jarring at first, especially considering how Taako was always overheating.

He didn’t know that it would happen, falling asleep, how could he? But when he opened his eyes again and saw the sky that he had seen twice before, he knew. Especially when Kravitz,  _ actual _ Kravitz, was standing in front of the gondola instead of sitting, hand extended patiently. 

He couldn’t help it- he threw himself at his husband, enjoying the way they collided and Kravitz laughed joyfully, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“I was going to be all dramatic and ask you if you wanted a ride,” Kravitz said softly, squeezing Taako’s waist. “But it seems a little foolish, doesn’t it?”

“God, yeah,” Taako choked back a sob. “I missed you so much- I’d follow you anywhere.”

“Oh, babe, don’t cry,” Kravitz said gently, wiping tears off of his partner’s face. “We’re young for the first time in  _ decades _ , and we’re  _ together _ . Come on, the water is so still and we’ve got this sweet boat- seems like a waste not to use it.”

“I’ve been here before, you know that?” Taako asked, accepting Kravitz’s hand and allowing himself to be helped into the gondola. “I had some really weird dreams the night after you died and the night of your funeral.”

“Those weren’t dreams, I’m afraid,” Kravitz said softly. “The veil was- you were so  _ alive _ , and I was- well, you can’t be  _ really dead _ , it’s sort of a switch you flick, but- coming across, my words and mannerisms were getting jumbled. I know they were- I could see it in your face when you looked at me. I hope I didn’t scare you.”

“I’m not scared of you, never of you.” Taako replied, making Kravitz crack a grin as he pushed off the shore.

“Now who’s repeating himself unnecessarily?” He asked, making Taako smile and wipe off the remainder of his tears. “Time is- well, sort of weird down here. Can you tell me about- well, everything?”

“Mica had her baby,” Taako said, leaning against the plush cushion. “They named him after you. Oliver Kravitz. We call him Olly.”

“That’s- really?” He couldn’t contain his smile. “Oliver Kravitz?”

“Yeah- he thinks you’re the coolest, by the way. You weren’t even alive and you were his favourite grandparent.” 

“Natch,” Kravitz was smiling ear to ear.

“Natch,” Taako echoed. “Ms. Petunia- the lady we used to live a couple of apartments over from? Got arrested for cat burglary. And not like- not petty theft, but like, stealing cats.”

“I fucking called it,” Kravitz hissed.

“You did,” Taako nodded. 

“How’s Angus? I know he’s got a kid, but is he…” Kravitz gestured with the hand not holding the oar, “y’know, like, is he good? Happy?”

“He’s really good, babe. Everyone is really good. Your moms are still alive, still living in the senior residence- they’re doing really well. Even though they’re mid nineties, it’s like a child to nurture has rejuvenated them. Lup and Barry are good too. I saw them today. They’re happy. Everyone is happy.”

“What about you?” Kravitz stopped rowing as they drifted further out into the sea, moving to sit across from Taako and hold his hand. “Were you happy?”

“Not at first,” Taako said gently, reaching out with his free hand to touch Kravitz’s cheek. For the first time, they were the same temperature when their skin connected. “And I always missed you, no matter what happened. But I learned to be happy without you, even if I always wished you were with me.”

“I’m glad,” Kravitz said softly, leaning forward to kiss Taako gently.

When they pulled back after a few moments, Kravitz stood and extended his hand. “Well, shall we?”

“Shall we what?” Taako asked, taking the hand with a quirked eyebrow.

“Go for a swim?” Kravitz continued. “You feel it, right? That it wants us to be at rest?”

“It’s an ocean, babe, it doesn’t want anything,” Taako said, but even he knew it wasn’t true. There was a calming pull from the water below, drawing them in slowly but surely.

And, judging by Kravitz’s look, he knew Taako didn’t believe that either.

“Do we take our clothes off, you think?” Taako asked, looking down. He couldn’t see anything, and he refused to touch the strange surface without Kravitz.

“I don’t know- if there’s like- uh, Martin Luther King Jr. down there, I don’t want to have to meet him with my dick out, you feel me?” Kravitz said.

“But what if everyone down there has their dicks out?” Taako asked.

“I’d rather have clothes I take off then be naked without clothes to put on,” Kravitz argued.

“Okay, fair point,” Taako squeezed Kravitz’s hand. “I love you. Like, a lot. I don’t know if I’ll get to say that again once we’re down there.”

“I love you too.” Kravitz squeezed his hand. “You want to kiss one last time?”

“No, I’m worried I’ll lose my nerve.” Taako squeezed back. “On the count of three. One?”

“Two,” Kravitz nodded, and they said the last in unison.

“Three.”

The moment they collided with the water, it was as though the weight of their physical forms had been stripped away. Their existence was loose and languid, and even though they weren’t holding onto each other anymore, they remained pressed close. The sea was warm and yet heavy, like a thick blanket on a cold winter night. Taako felt himself grow drowsy, as the sea urged him into a deep sleep.

_ Rest, _ it urged.  _ Be at peace. _

And, knowing that Kravitz was at his side, Taako allowed himself to drift.

**Author's Note:**

> Some things that I just want to make sure are clear!!! If you read growing pains, then you already know about Mica and Ashton and therefore know that Mica is bi, Ashton is nonbinary and ace, and that Angus is aro. I wanted to stress that their relationship is a queer platonic relationship (QPR) where Ashton and Mica are romantically together and Angus is not, but is still an equally important part of the relationship- they all see each other as their wife/partner/husband, and all see themselves as a parent to the baby. I just wanted to make it clear that Angus still is aro, but I wanted to also show that aro people participate in relationships that are not specifically romantic in nature but are just as serious and as important. I hope that makes sense!
> 
> Also I know I said I would put a bonus chapter up in growing pains about Lup/Barry's subplot that was never fully resolved but I don't know when that will be yet- for sure the next thing I work on, but I go back to school in a couple weeks and I'm moving in five days so... uh, later.
> 
> I know this is REALLY DIFFERENT from most things I write but I LOVE psychological books and I wanted to give it a shot for myself, and I felt like this was a good way to give it a shot.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading/ leaving kudos/ commenting/ etc.
> 
> I'll be back (later) so until I see you again, please stay happy and stay safe! <3
> 
> [@choo-choo-boyzz](https://choo-choo-boyzz.tumblr.com/)


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